not going to tell every detail of my trip to Europe..wat i will tell u..i had the time of my life..and i miss everyone :'(..so if u want to no nethin bout the trip..just IM me

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im not depressed nemore..not that ne of u care..me n Shauna had our carwash today..made ova $200..we decided to have another one in like 2 weeks..havin a party at my house tomorrow..shall be fun...its also 5 months for me n Ben :) I LOVE YOU BENJAMIN!! i've been readin more into Northeastern..n im startin to really like it..a chance for a new start..but then there is part of me sayin wat bout Ben? even tho he told me to go wherever i wanted to..i just dont wana leave him..but i duno..i guess we will see what happens..Europe is creepin up..im wicked excited..but also kinda scared still..but im sure i will get ova it..but ya..its movie time wit the family..so check up later..byez

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haven't updated in awhile..haven't been on the comp. in awhile..kinda hard to wen my laptop hasnt worked in forever..so i have to go to my aunt's wenever i need it..so ya..nothin really new..just been workin and stuff..made my confirmation on Mothers day..had SATs the day before..WHS Prom was friday nite..went wit Ben of course :) it was just an amazin nite..we werent even like payin attention to the otha people..we were in our own little world..it was nice..n then we spent like all day yesterday together too..its been almost 5 months..n its been amazin..the best ever..i duno..i love him more each day we r together..i just cant get enuff of him..I LOVE YOU BEN!!! so ya..its almost 6..well kinda..n i gota get home n do sum quotes for English so Mr. C doesnt get on my case bout not doin them..should do sum laundry too..lata peoplez

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so vacation is basically pretty much ova..didnt really do much..Friday nite i went out to dinner wit Ben..worked Saturday mornin..worked Sunday mornin then Ben came ova for a lil..Melissa came ova on Monday..Tuesday i babysat Nick and then went to the movies wit Ben, Britt , Pat n sum otha people i dont know..Wednesday i babysit Nick again and then went to work for 4..Thrusday i went to Stanley Park wit Ben :) good times good times..lol..n then he went to work n then he came ova for a lil bit n then Sarah n this kid Sean came ova..n they killed a spider for me..i was sititn on the kitchen counter for ova a half hour on the phone wit Ben complain bout the damn thing..i was 2 scared to move..lol..n then today Amy came ova n then we went to West Side n picked up Erin n Manny n then went to Holyoke n got Sarah n then headed to the mall n decided to eat at Ruby Tuesdays..soo much freakin fun..never stopped laughin..it was just hilarous..like whoa...lol...n then i went n visited a friend for a lil bit n then went to work..where i totally kicked ass! i faced all the isles except the front of 4 n 5 n the front wall..pulled all the ad tags down..cleaned clearance n then helped Mr. Libby set more stuff up in it..stayed 15 min. extra so Mr. Libby would have someone to watch the register n did everythin else that i was asked to do..it was amazin..lol...Mr. Libby said he was goin to put in a good word for me..so thats the second one from him so..its lookin good for me at work..tomorrow i have to work the night shift n then work the mornin shift on Sunday n then im goin to Bens <3 been talkin to Kyle alot more..i duno..i thought i wouldn't b able to talk to him nemore bcuz of wat happened the last time we hung out n the whole trust thing..but i can actually talk to him..n he gets wat i talk bout..its just nice to have someone to talk to n have them understand what ur sayin...me n Ben r better than ever..he's just..words can't explain..no word equals to what he is to me..im just lucky to have him in my life..i love him wit all my heart <3 <3

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TEN people you enjoy spending time with (in no specific order):
1. Ben <3
2. Jaz
3. Shauna
4. Cheryl
5. Kyle
6. Dominic
7. Mike B.
8. Sarah C.
9. Melissa
10. Courtney 

NINE things im wearing:
1. tank top
2. capri's
3. ben's necklace
4. clauda ring
5. irish crest braclet
6. red thong
7. belly button ring
8. blue nail polish
9. laptop ( on my lap..hahaha )

EIGHT things on my mind:
1. Ben
2. how to get warm
3. broccoli calzone
4. how Sam is
5. where my cell phone is
6. wat to do wit my cousin 2morrow
7. seein Brittany tomorrow!!
8. how dirty my feet are

SEVEN items I touch everyday:
1. myself
2. Olly
3. my cellphone
4. my car
5. my bed
6. the floor
7. the phone

SIX things I do everyday :
1. think bout Ben
2. talk to Ben
3. brush my teeth
4. listen to music
5. drive my car
6. sleep

FIVE things I want to do before I die:
1. find my real dad
2. talk to my real dad
3. find true happiness
4.have people understand me
5. be truely loved by someone else

FOUR things I will never do:
1. sky dive
2. bungee jump
3. sell my body
4. betray ne of my friends

THREE things i do when i wake up:
1. look at my clock
2. think of Ben
3. drift off bak to sleep

TWO of my favorite foods:
1. broccoli calzone
2. spaghetti

ONE thing i want in my life right now
1. to 4get bout my past..( sumthin i just cant seem to do ) n to understand n to b understood

haven't updated in awhile..haven't been on the comp. in awhile either..don't really have much to talk about...just been keeping busy with P2P and school and work and hanging with Ben :) i duno..i've seen a huge change in myself lately..just in the way that ive been treatin myself n the way that ive been lookin at things...im a much happier person than i use to be..i use to think so down on myself..that i wasnt worth it..that i didnt deserve good in my life..that i should b dead..i wasnt taking care of myself at all..i wasnt sleepin..wasnt eatin..wasnt takin my meds..but now..i guess im just now startin to see that Ben is right..since ive been with him..ive been ok..but lately..ive been alot better..im sleepin better..eatin alot better and takin all my meds..i dont think so lowly of myself nemore n whoever wants to talk bout me bhind my bak n try to bring me down..u can try all u want..but it wont work nemore..im stronger than u think i am..i duno exactly wat it is..theres just sumthin bout Ben that brings me to bein a better person..he's amazin n i love him wit all my heart..we like have the same personality n can relate on that level..its kinda like we share one mind..except..we dont..lol..we are totally different people..we come from two completely different worlds..but sumhow fell in love..im just so lucky to have him in my life..and i no he thinks the same of me..its weird in a way..never thought that at this point in my life i would b wit someone that i love as much as i love Ben and have that love returned...i duno..in a way..he kinda completes me..its hard not goin to the same school n havin to work on opposite days..but its been gettin better on seein eachother..hes worth it..i just love him soo much..     *special shoutout to Sam (happy now? lol)*

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don't really have a reason to be updating..but im bored so i thought i would..but yeah..im just really happy..despite everything going on at my house..im happy..alot of shit is goin on in my life and im so stressed ova everything..but then ill talk to Ben..and no matter what mood i am in..he can make me completely happy..make me feel like nothin can go wrong wen im with him or talking to him..he's just an amazin guy..i guess i never really realized how much he has made my life better until recently..b4 him..i was miserable..wit everythin that was happenin wit Kyle..my drinkin n suicide attempts n not eatin..i wasnt in the best of places..but ova the past 4 months..ive been improvin n its thanks to him..xcept for the eatin thing..in a way..i guess he saved me from..me....i've never been this happy..he makes me feel good bout myself..he cares about me..he loves me..he listens n understands me..hes always there for me..sumthin ive never really had b4 *exception of Martin*  he's just..the rite one for me..i neva thought that i would ever b wit sumone that makes me feel as good as i do..just bcuz of..well my life n everythin that has happened..but i was wrong..n im so lucky n grateful to have Ben in my life..hes just this amazin guy that 4 sum reason..loves me..i dont understand it..but i accept it..which i had problems wit..but Kyle made me realize that my quote does stand for the truth.."love isnt findin the perfect person, its seein an imperfect person perfectly"..im prob. borin u all wit this..but just had to get it out..so thank u Kyle..for makin me realize the truth..i love u Ben..i love u wit all my heart <3